“Tanggapin mo nalang na hanggang dito lang tayo”
[TRANSLATION: “Just accept that this is all that we’ll ever be.”]
I will never forget those words. It seemed like a line from a movie… but my “best friend” did say that to my face.
It was one of the most devastating night of my life. I had fallen for my guy friend and got rejected the night I confessed to him.
The scene was just like in a ocheesy flick. We were drinking out in our usual hang-out spot. I wore something nice and made extra effort to make myself look pretty. It was going to be THE night I was going to come out and tell him how I feel. I’ve been harboring a secret crush on him for 9 months and I thought it was “time”.
While the whole gang was having fun, he kept looking at his new phone that I “helped” him buy (lent him the money and picked up the phone for him) and spent most of the hour texting. Then someone called him and so he excused himself to talk to whoever this caller was. I suddenly felt jealous, I had a gut feeling he was talking to a girl. He kept denying it but I really felt something was not right.
When I confronted him and asked him who he was talking to, he immediately denied that he was talking to a “chick”, said he’s just talking to an old friend. Then he suddenly seemed guilty and he asked me why I was being nosy, etc. That’s when I told him why… I like him.
And he said that line… which broke my heart into pieces. Tears trickled down my cheeks. I asked him to leave. I felt like I was being swallowed into a worm hole. I left crying… my heart was crushed. I started walking, but I did not know where to go. I was wandering aimlessly, his words kept ringing in my ears… I was dumped. There was someone else, even if he kept denying it I knew and I felt it, he was flirting with someone and months later I was able to confirm my suspicions were correct.
The thing is… he made me feel like there was going to be an “us”. He made me believe that he felt the same way but was just waiting for me to do the first move. I guess I was wrong. I assumed.
It was May 2014. I hated that night. I hated that feeling. And I still hate that girl who who stole my bestfriend (since that incident she already had countless of boyfriends after him lol).
I became bitter after. That night, I felt like I wanted to end my life and I believed that no one will ever replace him. I even told myself that I am not going to find another guy, that I wasn’t going to marry, that I will just adopt and die single, because if I can’t have him then I don’t want anybody else. Stupid isn’t it? I gave up on love, isn’t that funny? HAHAHA! I spent nights drinking and going out with friends, pretending I was happy and that I am okay. But deep inside I was dying.
I was so worried that I will not get over him. But look where I am in now… I AM SO OVER HIM! And I am very happy! Looking back now I can just laugh and I am glad I am so over that.
So, to those who were dumped and friendzoned like me, don’t give up! You will move on! The thing is someone will come in your life and fuck things up for you: the “pa-fall”, the “paasa” and those guys who will “friendzone”. There will come a time when we’ll be rejected and it is going to be very painful but it’s alright. Eventually, you’ll get over that. You’ll meet somebody else, not immediately, not tomorrow or next month… just wait! It’s just like what Lola Nidora said “Sa tamang panahon.” (In the right time)